mondofilmaday April

• The endless - im not sure i completely followed how the time shenanigans plot actually functioned but neat ideas and a creepy tone carried through an interesting movie.
• The private life of sherlock holmes - Much more low key on the comedy stakes than i had assumed, a trifle but not without some merit.
• Vivarium - companion piece to The Endless in repetitive confinement with a terrific performance from Imogen Poots. 
• I kill giants. Another good Poots job. Sticks pretty close to what I recall of the comic, though it lacks some of that's style. There's always a danger to the trope of is it real or in their head which this mostly avoids.
• The stranger - Lesser Welles noir performance, the film is oddly structured never really digging into the suspense of the wife's situation but it manages a couple of moments of fun Hitchcocky business.
• What did Jack do? - Strangely endearing monkey noir from David Lynch that doesnt really do anything but is short enough to not be a chore.
• The polka king - A companion piece to Jack Blacks other true crime flick Bernie with a similar tone and decent performances.
• The interview - Australian thriller with a good hook but its (spoiler for 22 year old movie) lack of goodie actually ends up dampening the tension.
• Kill Ben lyk - misanthropic low rent brit crime com that never really becomes anything particularly fun.
• Columbo: no time to die - one of the worst Columbos ever (alongside the other Ed Mcbain adaptation Undercover), with an incredibly silly action film ending of a cop diving through a window that might have been classic had that cop been Columbo himself. I had heard of its bad rep (well deserved) but wanted to say on facebook that I had just watched No Time to Die. A bad joke that no-one responded to at all. 
• Basil the great mouse detective - pretty ho-hum disney affair.
• Monsters university - pretty but dull.
• Finding dory - just dull.
• Tigertail - Tzi Ma is excellent and the film is generally good but never gels into something special
• Stripes - awful, sloppy coasting on Murrays charm which is there but the typical character he plays becomes more unbearable as time goes on (Venkman is a prick)
• Love wedding repeat - mostly unfunny sort of timeloop comedy that doesnt even get to the loop for an interminable time and then rushes through what should be the fun bit. Community's Chaos Theory is the thing to watch instead.
• The woman in the window - (spoiler for 76 year old movie) a pretty good noir with a funny throughline of a smart guy doing just the worst job of covering up a killing in self defense let down by a lousy 'and you were there, and you, and you' dream ending.
• Crooked house - handsomely cast and staged Agatha Christie production with one of her better (even if quite silly) reveals.
• Columbo a bird in the hand - trying to think if any of the 90s columbos ive seen are actually good. certainly not this one. Falk is still fun though.
• Ruben Brandt collector - unusual animated movie that feels like im might have got a lot more out of if i had a greater art history knowledge base. some fun to be had nonetheless.
• Taking of Pelham 123 (1998) - even worse than the tony scott remake, and a really sloppy transfer onto netflix had a badly framed ratio and poor picture quality.
• Animal world - i think i'd have prefered a more bare bones less hyper version of this, as the maths stuff about the game was way more interesting than the stylised violence.
• Shimmer lake - the tricksy, reverse storytelling serves to only highlight the twist but without it whats the point? I did like the repeated sit in the back of the cop car gag.
• The muppet movie - maybe i just dont really care for the muppets? i liked a couple of the musical numbers but none of it was all that funny. 
• Great muppet caper - the musical numbers arent great. 
• Professor branestawm - slight but fun for the undemanding.
• Extraction - dreary macho colonialist bs. it has a showy long one take action scene that barely registers because the character work is so sloppy.
• The willoughbys - fun, with just enough bite to appeal to the weird kids
• Clouds of sils maria - beautiful, compelling with an amazing Kristen Stewart performance.
• columbo butterfly in shades of grey - lesser columbo but by no means the worst. no nearly as good as the other shatner one though.
• Plagues.of breslau - utter dreck. lousy polish se7en knock-off with an almost interesting villain
• The breaker upperers. - fun new zealand comedy with the obligatory Jermaine Clement cameo

untitled David Smith project

Art by https://www.instagram.com/hylesgallii/  

Grant wiped some of the blood from last night off the counter. He grunted but didn't make much of an effort. It more than likely wouldn't be too long before some asshole Paladin would get holier than thou over a perceived moral sin, one of the Rogue's dice players would be accused, rightfully or wrongly, of cheating or some poor sap would look wrong at the half-orc sat in the corner. Or just look at her full stop. And then the brawl would begin.

The Elf Tavern was a known Delver's pub which had it's advantages for sure. They had little concept of local economies so you could massively over charge for cheap watered down pissbeer. Many had more coin than sense. Half of them could settle down to a life of luxury if they weren't so punch drunk, always looking for the next fight, the next evil dragon, sorceror, vizier, bandit King or whatever was in their bonnet this time. The other half of course would not make it that far, the permanent death that hangs over them means they are freely generous with any money they do have.

And besides, every now and again they save the world, if the tales they tell everybody are true.

With the adventurer's would come hangers on. Archivists, scribes, historians, they wouldn't dream of daring tombs or dungeons but always hankered for any knowledge gleamed within. And that meant buying expensive drinks for whichever barbarian they wanted to question.

Some of these glorified thugs gain celebrity, or notoriety at least, so fanatics, groupies, sometimes rivals (more fights, ugh) would want to see or be seen. And that all meant more pennies in the pot. More than made up for the cost of replacing a few broken stools and tables every so often. His brother ran the local carpenters so he got a good deal on furniture anyway.

It wasn't especially busy right now. A wizened old man sat by the fire despite it not being particularly cold. There was almost always a wizened old man. Dungeon delvers, adventurers, fortune seekers, glory hunters, they all seemed to flock to an old geezer in robes. Grant occasionally would hire someone to fill in that position to keep customers coming. Paying some mummer a few pence to tell anybody who would listen long winded but ultimately hollow gossip about local crypts and strange goings on. But generally he didn't need to. He didn't think he had seen tonight's one in before but who could tell? They all wore dark grey form hiding frocks and had long white beards. The coot was on his own right now, but Grant didn't think it'd be too long before someone would approach him or vice versa.

One man who would not need to for sure was drinking a merry hell of liquor at the bar itself. Duke Bottomley-Smythe could certainly imbibe with the best of them. Grant recalled the last time the self appointed Duke was in, some months past, drinking a gang of Dwarves under the table. No mean feat. But tonight he sat alone, usually you couldn't shut the garrulous fool up, but he looked sullen and withdrawn. His eyes blank. Grant had seen that in Delvers before, too many friends lost to monsters, traps, and bad magic could turn you. He should really get out of the game but Grant knew the death wish fever was on him and had been doubling the price of shots given, knowing this was more than likely the last time Bottomley-Smythe would be seen here.

Someone else had taken notice of the faux Duke, sat a few stools away. A fanatic, grant could tell. He kept glancing across at the famous Delver and giggling to himself. Every now and again he would jot something in a little leather wrapped parchment pad he had. Before long he would get up the courage to talk to Bottomley-Smythe, but Grant considered intervening and letting the poor man have his grief alone.

A Halfling sat at a table with a woman. Grant knew her as one of the town's many whores. A substantial amount of the money he made came from renting rooms, little more than a bed and a door, for an hour a time. The Halfling had been talking to her for a while now and no money seemed to be changing hands. Perhaps he was a new hire learning the ropes. A magician rather than the trick. Either way, Grant didn't like him. He distrusted small people. Whether by virtue of race, age or breeding, shortness was bad news. They always felt they had something to prove. Troublemakers. He would keep an eye on this one.

The half-orc he had seen in here recently. Tended to nurse one drink all night. He'd kick her out but, well, half-orc. Best to leave alone. If anyone approached her she would not look out from the book she was pretending to read and ignore them. Didn't see much of her kind around, most people feared or hated them but Grant just wished she would buy more drinks.

The only group in tonight seemed like the usual reprobates. Clearly an Elf - probably a druid, a barbarian looking lass, some kind of magic user, a grizzled looking cleric of one God or another and a non-descript woman who seemed in charge. They were talking to a Scholar from the nearby University. Picking up some empties Grant overheard nonsense about mystical artifacts or runes of dread power, he learnt early on to fade all that shit out. Focus on coin for cup, dodging carelessly thrown chairs and making sure the rooms upstairs stayed at least somewhat stain free (he has standards). Leave the heroing to idiots and wankers.

Not that it mattered, for within a minute Grant would be dead.

Marmaduke Bottomley-Smythe should have been exceedingly happy right now. The delve into the deep pits of Krazx had gone about as smooth as any he had done. Krazx had been rumoured to hold the secret of immortal life or so the old sage had told him and his fellow adventurers. Truth be told Bottomley-Smythe didn't much care what was in there. It meant excitement. It meant being with Melissa and the others. Side by side, taking on the odds, vanquishing foes.

They had travelled far, Krazx was in a remote (aren't they all) part of the kingdom, deep within the Hujta mountain range. The trek was perilous but no more so than usual. Some hill goblins had set up camp outside the entrance to Krazx but his sword, Melissa's axe, Jon's bow, Grimes' magic bolts and Rek's stealth had done them in with little problems.

As he downed another shot and nodded at the barman he reflected on the unfortunate side effect of the magic that had imbude him with great fortitude had lessened the effect alcohol had. He wanted nothing more than to get royally fucked right now.

Krazx had proved such fun. A classic. Right from the start his careless step onto a slightly askew flagstone had nearly toppled him into a shaft filled with nasty looking stakes. Jon's attentiveness and quick reflexes grabbed him just in time - paying back for the goblins Marmaduke had heaved off him in the previous melee. And that was by no means the only trap to await them. A rolling boulder! A real life gosh darned rolling boulder trap. Melissa said she didn't know which of the crashing rock bearing down on them or Duke's laughter was the louder. She always knew how to make him smile.

There was a puzzle involving rotating statues and sliding walls that took them longer than perhaps it should. Grimes and Melissa got stuck away from the group for over an hour. Oh! If only he had seen it then. What a fool he was. But the dungeon had it's hooks in him as ever.

Marmaduke look around the tavern. He was fairly certain he had been here before though not one hundred per cent. These places all folded in to one after a while. He could tell you the exact hue of a wall in a delve he made years ago but cities and towns all blurred in his memory, even as he was in them.

A halfling seemed to be sharing some jape with a lovely looking lady. Her auburn hair reminded him of Melissa, even though her hair had been black for as long as he had known her. Everyone now reminded him of Melissa. The old guy by the fire looked just like the Wizard who had first given a quest to their merry band. The half orc was reading a book. Melissa loved books.

They had found a library deep within the pits of Krazx. Rek had little time nor patience for stuff that didnt shine but they spent some time looking through the shelves. Jon knew that some literature could be worth more than any bauble to the right person but unfortunately picked up the wrong tome causing a fireblast to scorch the entire room leaving nothing of worth but bronzing their skin and singing eyebrows. Melissa joked that knowledge sure could be dangerous and everyone should be more like Rek. How they laughed!

The secret to immortality turned out to be a bust of course. A necromancer had set up store deep in the bowels and after wading through skeletal hordes (“Not my idea of living forever” Melissa said) the party approached the evil Liche's lair. It went like clockwork. Grimes laid down a cloud of fog, disorientating the living acolytes the necromancer had gathered around him, Rek dispatched of many of them silently from behind, they never knew he was even there. The rest took on the Dead Lord and summararily dispatched him, Marmaduke getting the kill with a blade through the throat. Treasure was plentiful and the group headed back to civilisation with haste.

Marmaduke heard the high pitched giggle coming from his left again. A fanatic. Would that this was any other post adventure repose. He would be shouting the story from the roof tops making fools like the giggler hang on every word. But alas. As the group had got to town, Melissa had wanted a word. She and Grimes were getting married. And retiring! Jon and Rek had sorted out another adventuring company to join, some fellows from down south. They were all leaving Duke! How could they? Melissa invited him to the wedding but he wasn't sure if he would go.

Not that it mattered, for within a minute Marmaduke Bottomley-Smythe, known to most as Duke, would be dead.

Lycelle Argent walked into the tavern with Hugo. She met him at the Theatre where he had amused her with tales of seeing some of Detlef Sierk's works back in the day. As she came in Grant gave her a malicious smirk. She knew he thought her a prostitute and though some days she had considered it (her friend Jess plyed the trade) working as an actual dancing girl as opposed to a 'dancing girl' kept her busy enough and mostly in pocket. Occasionally she would drink in here with actors or writers, they would be looking for the next big story to adapt fresh from the Delver's mouths. She wasn't sure why the unusual Halfling had wanted to go in here but for a stranger seemed versed in it's history. Many assumed The Elf Tavern must be owned by one of the haughty race, or maybe it be a stop for those travelling from the nearby Yotor Forest, filled with their folk. Lycelle hadn't really thought about it but Hugo informed her it came from a corruption of Health tavern. Delvers back in the day would stop here to rest up, apply salves and ointments. That was still true to a large extent.

She hadn't really met any Halflings quite like him, most seemed shy or obsessed with food. Though she wasn't sure she had met anybody quite like him. He wore thick blacked rimmed glasses and it was only after talking to him for a while that she realised they were some kind of affectation, having no actual lens in. He was clearly quite intelligent, and well travelled, whilst giving an interesting critique of Sierk's last play he talked of the far off region it was set in as though he had been there. Lycelle had barely left the town. Once as a young child her mother had taken her to the next town over to see a Crown Prince pass by. She recalled bunting and streamers and everyone cheering but from her diminutive vantage she could just see legs and ground. As the day wore on it rained and the dirt beneath became muddy, the Crown Prince never even leaned out of the carriage and her lasting memory was of her pretty blue dress becoming ruined. It was the last thing her parents bought for her before they died.

There wasn't anyone in the tavern beyond Grant that she recognized, though she thought the piece of beefcake knocking back shots was probably famous. Certainly he seemed to have an admirer or two, though no-one was talking to him.

She had been in a couple of plays about Delvers, they often proved popular. Not her favourite things though. She normally ended up as a sprite or wood elf in the back ground of scenes where a regal looking Elf lady (just a human with wax pointy ears for the most part) imparted some great wisdom before the heroes set off to defeat blah, blah, blah. She prefered comedies. Delver Plays had some of course but it tended to be more of a knockabout, slapstick kind which could be hard to do well and she rarely saw it done well. She could dance an elegant, majestic piece enough to make you weep but timing a fall over a fake tree stump? Totally flustered her.

She was getting on with Hugo pretty well. He seemed genuinely interested in her life tale. She told him of the time after her parents had gone. Living on the street, performing self choreographed routines for loose pennies. She even told him of her less legal approaches to surviving. Well some of them, though she thought he had quite cannily perceived she was holding back at least he had the good graces to not push the issue. There was something just slightly off with him though. He seemed a touch on edge. He was attentive, and filled any silence in the conversation, but one eye (out of those lensless frames) seemed on the rest of the room.

Lycelle wasn't sure who he was looking at. The group of Delvers that had come in after them certainly seemed interesting. Maybe. They were talking to some nattily dressed clerk type. Although his bowtie clashed with the waistcoat he was wearing. The other side of the fire sat a man smoking a pipe. He was attired in almost mockingly cliched 'old wizard' garb. She was pretty sure she noted streaks of stage paint in the beard as if to make him look older. By the bar, opposite the fire and constantly glaring at Sullen Beefcake was a dorky looking fella. Still wearing his raincoat indoors. She had seen his type before, often hanging around the theatre if a Delver play was on and the Delvers in question were thought to be in attendance.

Hugo had chosen a table by the wall with the fireplace so she was perfectly situated to see the giant burst of flame shoot out from by the fire and engulf the room

Not that it mattered, for within a second Lycelle Argent would be writhing on the floor in massive pain wreathed by flame.

Norin was super psyched. Only Marmaduke Bottomley-bloody Smythe had just come in The Elf Tavern. He had missed 'the Duke' the last time he came to town and stupidhead Lara had been lording it over him that she got his auto before him. Duke was at least a twelve time-er. And if he was here that probably meant at least one more Delve complete. Most didn't survive beyond five and to collect something from a Double Digit Delver would be a coup for any fanatic. But it needed to be more than just a signature. He needed to rub it in Lara's smug face. Sometimes he felt solely defined by his hobby. He would spend his days at work dreaming of Delving or to be more accurate the Delvers. He had no interest in Delving himself. Why the very thought of his skinny, ungainly form trying to keep up with a Duke or Weldon or Axe-Biter made him laugh. Sure doing the books for a Kingdom wide Antiquities dealer was not precisely exciting (though it did tangentally relate to his past time as many of the curios and items of import passing through Salridge and Sons came from Delves) but it paid well and had significantly less chance of being crushed to death by moving wall traps.

Norin made notes of everything Duke wore, sketching little details as best he could. A triple D keepsake would wipe that smile right off. It seemed unlikely that Duke would offer anything up though. He looked as sour as the milk Norin had left out last week. That meant he would have to be sneaky. Last month he had managed to snip a lock of Clara Weldon's hair and that had only cost him one black eye. However he was still feeling that now, especially any time he looked at a bright light. No, this task would require more finesse. The scarf perhaps? How would he get it off? Maybe he could wait and see if Duke used a handkerchief that might be easier to pilfer without the Delver noticing straight away. Given how much drink he was putting away maybe he could just wait for Duke to fall over senseless, though if stories were to be believed (and stories are only there to be believed) that might take quite some time. He couldn't wait to flash up his find in front of the monthly meet up. So he had to be careful.

The bartender might have clocked him but everyone else seemed tied up in their own business. He thought he recognised the plain young lady sat with a halfling but couldn't place where. A party of delvers were also in, though none worthy of the attention of a Duke Bottomley-Smythe. They looked like one-ers or two-ers at best. The lady doing the talking (to a dapper looking gent) was the only one he thought had the bearing of a survivor, the others was dead meat walking, he'd put money on it. Norin made note of her description, thinking he would catch her name at some point this evening for his records. But she could wait. The Duke was in attendance.

What he really needed now was some kind of distraction.

The large fireball eminating from the back of the room was perfect.

Not that it mattered, for within a few seconds Norin Goldsmith would be dead.

Kans Johansson had been waiting impatiently for almost an hour before they arrived. The Delve group had contacted him through the University about findings they had made on a trip to the Desert wastelands. The Elf tavern had been empty save Bottomley-Smythe, with whom he had had dealings with before and an old wizard he didn't recognize. As he took a table towards the middle of the room the wizard moved from the doorway to next to the fire. Maybe he had brought a blast of cold air in with him on opening the door but it was quite a mild day out. He noted a stew pot burbling away above the fire but knew better than to trust the days old slop contained within. If he saw the wizard going for some he would try to surreptitiously warn him away, as long as Grant didn't see him and get angry for costing a pennies worth of profit.

Each time the door opened Kans composed himself, ready to deal with whatever ruffians he would be talking to today. The note had certainly intrigued him, if what it had hinted at in vague terms (never can be too careful with claim jumpers and ne'erdowells – the fight over antiquities and findings can be vicious) was even close to being true it could mean an expedition. An expedition in his name. Finally after a few false hopes (he didn't think the half-orc could have written the note but you never knew) a party of clearly Delvers tromped in and clocked him immediately.

There were five. An Elf clearly looking like some kind of nature wizard. She had woven vines of ivy through her clothes and carried only a dagger that he could see. She took a seat in a position that had the last of the sun shining onto. Another magic user sat beside her. A hooded robe covered him but he too may have Elf blood. He leaned heavily onto a knobbled staff. Holding the door as they came in and scanning the room for danger was a muscular human woman, a large broadsword slung over her back. Next though came a heavily armoured warrior of Peyton. Kans knew little of that particular religious order, one of many that seemed to spring up every day around protecting Delvers. He guessed the Gods might not be real but the powers of their acolytes sure were. Finally in came an average looking woman. She wore plain leather armour, nothing was distinct about her except the company she kept. Yet she was clearly in charge. Her movements seemed clipped and precise, she was a little older than the rest of them. Kans suspected she had held a military rank, many soldiers would try their hands at Delving when their commissions were up. Some, even before then, though the Kingdom took a dim view on that kind of thing.

The note had more than piqued his interest. This was supposedly not just another ancient artifact but something...new. His God, and most in that Pantheon or any other, knew he could do with a tick in the success column. Just recently he had lost a fascinating piece of Arcana, a box that supposedly contained the rules of the universe. He had even retrieved it himself for awhile, some things just belonged in a museum, for the betterment of civilisation and Delvers were untrustworthy even at their best. He'd lost track of the times some adventuring group had snaked a claim, or sold something promised to the University to a private bidder for a larger sum.

He'd tracked The Rules across three different kingdoms over two different continents but finally messed up on an island off the coast of Griasot. The Collected Kingdoms of Tanlok had an agent out for it as well and the box proved more dangerous than anyone knew. Many died. And now it sits locked up by the barbarians who run Tanlok. The university were not happy. Kans was not happy.

The leader of the Delvers introduced herself as Barb Stigerwitz but merely motioned to everyone else as her companions.

She immediately got to the point telling Kans where she had been (though not exactly he noted, showing she had some canniness about her) and placing a small pouch in front of him. Some of the found items. She did not let him spend too long with each piece before taking it off him and pulling out the next. First was a tiny, exquisitely made cog. Smaller than any he had seen, the craftsmanship was astonishing. A touch (a lot) above the clockwork quality in his pocketwatch but he played it cool. The next was a small tube, see through but not glass. Held up to the light it seemed to contain a viscous liquid. He touched the end to his finger and it left a blue mark. The next was the most interesting. A metal hand crossbow with no string, no place to put a quarrel. It's purpose screamed death but it was not obvious how it worked beyond the trigger mechanism. He had seen enough. The rumours were true.

'We're going to need a big team,'

Not that it mattered, for within a few seconds Kans Johansson, Barb Stigerwitz and her party would be dead.

He had been waiting for his quarry most of the day. His disguise was to allow him to blend in but he worried he could attract undue attention. Delvers wanting to know some hook for their next great adventure. He had a few lines he could throw anybody but mostly was relying on pretending he was waiting for the One. Delvers respected that kind of mumbo jumbo but as luck would have it he was left alone anyway. He had to reposition once, and hoped it was not too conspicuous but he needed to confirm the target was valid before striking. A few others had come in, and of course there was a man tending the bar but collatoral damage could not be helped. They were spread through the room so some on the edges may even survive which could cause problems as potential witnesses but what could they say but 'A Wizard did it' so he remained generally unconcerned but did the maths for a larger explosive wield. He was now glad his handler had suggested he packed an extra fire rune or two. They were not cheap but the one supplied to him should do the job. His breath caught a little as he got a positive on the target. He liked to pretend he was simply a professional, doing a job, nothing more, but his crotch stiffened slightly as he readied the runes and mentally prepared the incantation. It would take split second timing. He wanted to confirm the kill but egress was also paramount.

Activating the runes a fireball surged outward, heat unbearable, engulfing the target area. Nothing would survive that. A quick scan of the room in the blink after everything was aflame suggested almost everybody was caught, though the half-orc had reflexes he did not expect and dived through the door and something else felt amiss but then the backblast started to wash over him.

Not that it mattered, for within a second the assassin had teleported out.

mondofilmaday 2020 - march

not the worst film i've ever been recommended but still...not good.

• Klaus - decent holiday fare
• Good boys - spirited but uninspiring transposing of American Pie onto characters 6 years younger.
• Columbo: try and catch me - one of the classics with a wonderful Ruth Gordon a lively and sympathetic foil to Falk
• Camp cold brook - fairly plodding found footage flick with little to offer apart from a random Gremlins 2 tie-in gag.
• Columbo old fashioned murder. - watchable as the 70s one are, this doesnt quite manage to be top tier.
• Invader zim enter the florpus - i recall enjoying the original show a lot and this late follow up is fine but skirts the line of being more like an annoying friend retelling you the plot of an episode in too much detail.
• Master of disguise - astonishingly awful. ill thought out and a waste of Carvey's talents. Super fucking racist too.
• Spies in disguise - mostly fun and lively animated fare.
• Asterix 12 tasks - dully paced, with no real understanding of how to transfer the pages jokes to screen and make it work.
• Sonic - its attempts at thematic depth are laughable, which is more than can be said for a lot of the jokes but the cast are game and it sprints along.
• Onward - you're gonna see this review a lot as i fill in some pixar gaps as i go and i often feel the same way about their films - beautifully made but just a little boring. This one offers up some dnd flavourings which appeal but never does anything other than the expected.
• Southbound - a gimmicky portmanteau with a couple of interesting touches but mostly undistinguished.
• The dead dont die - there are some fun performances, some good gags but the whole endeavour feels throwaway with a recurring meta-plot where at least one of the characters knows he's in a movie not really paying off.
• Night school - light-weight entertainment with a breezy cast.
• Portrait of a lady on fire - astonishingly beautiful. powerful, subtle with a grip on tight emotional control.
• Tosca (1976) - a slightly gussied up version of simply filming a stage act it expands to location shooting and occasionally moving the camera but little more. Play hits though. With some top notch performers belting their hearts out.
• The seventh seal - much funnier than i was expecting, and although often reduced to the chess on the beach scene, its more expansive and interesting. Really great.
• Ni no kuni - video-game tie-in that doesnt seem to serve much purpose. Feels like a tee-vee series truncated a lot of the character stuff comes undeveloped.
• My spy - i have a soft spot for these undemanding throwaway action comedies. Every now and again you'll get something like Spy which rises above. This one doesn't.
• Standing up, falling down - Ben Schwartz is great.
• Helvetica - amazingly interesting for a documentary about a font. It manages to weave a narrative out of not much and offers just enough counterpoint to stop it feeling like a simple love letter.
• Narrow margin (1952) - Pacy thriller with an okay twist. 
• The platform - super on the nose but potent allegorical horror.
• To all the boys I've loved before - rather delightful
• Toy story 4 - beautifully made but just a little boring
• Coco - beautifully made but just a little boring
• Ratatouille - beautifully made but just a little boring
• The cruise - this seems to have a gem of an idea and despite not knowing the particular target of its satire, a lot registers. But its too repetitive and the gags just not funny to work
• Invisible maniac - gross misogynistic horror with little to recommend.  
• Prince avalanche - very good in that low key way that is often hard to get excited about but worth watching.
• Dead in a week...or your money back - fairly forgettable hitman comedy that touches on some of that John Wick ridiculous world building but with a distinctly british take on the bureaucracy of its hired killers.

Mondofilmaday 2020 Feb

35 movies this month. Raise the Red Lantern was probably the best

• I lost my body - low key movie with a high concept. beautifully made.
• Raiders the story of the greatest fan film ever made - another doc about obsession and fandom, mostly interesting but pulls something at the end which seems a little dubious. 
• The unicorn store - slight but decent
• Columbo: Any port in a storm - yeah im counting Columbo eps. This is a classic with a brilliant Donald Pleasance playing excellently against Falk.
• Beyond the gates - another of the 80s horror throwbacks, Barbra Crampton has a bit of fun but the concept never quite gels into something truly compelling
• Columbo: now you see him - fun but not top tier
• Wont you be my neighbour - a sweet and uplifting portrait of a man not well known over here
• Columbo: blueprint for murder - Falk is always value, and this has an okay slight twist on the format
• Little monsters - fun and breezy but doesnt offer much new (which is fine)
• Mister america - odd and funny spin on 'America' and little politics
• Birds of prey - a game cast and fun action sequences dont get passed the obnoxious vibe. Not as offputting as deadpool and better than most WB dc movies but still feels like a missed op.
• Columbo goes to the guillotine - another magician based crime which is a fun backdrop
• Stalled - doesnt quite rise above its very low budget but has one or two fun ideas
• Lady Macbeth - brilliant. Pugh shows the powerhouse they are in a small but emotionally deep drama.
• Whisky galore (2016) - poorly paced, wnating to be a gentle comedy it is instead lethargic.
• Safety not guaranteed - good performances rise the drama a little from simple indie quirk.
• Allegro non toppo - offbeat euro take on Fantasia with bizarre meta tangents.
• 21 bridges - perfectly adequate action thriller, but totally forgettable.
• Extra ordinary - delightful, low key comedy. Will Forte almost unbalances it with a very broad performance but keeps it just the right side,
• Bumblebee - I mean its the best Transformer movie but that doesnt exactly make it good. 
• Point blank (2019) - another completely forgettable action-er. 
• Raise the red lantern - Excellent. Heart breaking. Complex. A friend had reccomending this for filmaday many years ago, sad it took this long to get to but glad i finally did.
• Next goal wins - another interesting doc about obssession of a kind. This should appeal to non footie fans as much as it does the converted.
• Horse girl - Alison Brie is excellent.
• Missing link - beautifully made with the usual Laika excellence but the story is a bit of nothing
• Killer clowns from outer space - atrocious. the jokes are generally awful, the scares are non-existant. it seems its cult status is mostly formed by its name.
• Like a boss - fairly forgettable work comedy with decent cast.
• Emma - well made, often funny and brilliantly played but everyone is so horrible with little time given to the redemptive part that im am unsure how much the film wants us to hate the main characters.
• Carefree - some lovely dancing from rogers and astaire but im pretty sure i sneezed and missed the conclusion of the movie.
• I am david - doesnt play to Paul Feigs strengths but passable enough
• Here comes hell - very low budget evil dead meets downton abbey. like a bunch of movies at this kind of level some fun ideas but hard to watch
• I trapped the devil - maybe too close to a specific classic twilight zone ep to be considered too highly but it has some style.
• Paradise hills - maybe has too much style but its alice in wonderland meets handmaids tale offers some interest
• Found footage 3d - some of the meta stuff involves characters lazily saying 'just like a movie' but some bits stand out including appearance by a real film critic playing himself.
• Columbo fade into murder - one of Shatners eps and fun. Pretty much all the 70s ones are watchable.

Filmaday2020 Jan

oh it's been a while. Again.
But I'm trying to watch a film I haven't seen each day. Again.
But I'm not gonna write up daily posts. Instead here is January's list with some quick thoughts.

• love and friendship - sharp with great performance from Beckinsale who often leaves me cold
• Short term 12 - powerful, Brie Larson is terrific.
• I walked with a zombie - though clearly critiquing aspects of colonialism its still iffy. 
• Evil under the sun - the murder makes little sense as a workable plot but a game cast enliven things
• Death on the nile - ditto really.
• The thin man - breezy but it seems hard to go along with its depiction of alcoholism. 
• A hard days night - you know, spice world but better made
• Fast color - perhaps a bit too slight but nicely played and well made
• The lighthouse - brilliant really. exceptional two hander that is never too po-faced
• Corporate animals - not good. one of many comedies to stack a cast and then give them nothing to do
• The courier - olga kurylenko is watchable but the action doesnt amount to much and the plot even less.
• Climax - it pulls from Noe's usual bag of tricks but is still and incredible, hard to watch time.
• Moonlight - just beautiful. astonishing performances. subtle in the right places.
• Anna and the apocalypse - huge amount of fun. with a terrific lead.
• Crazy rich asians - good cast give all in a glossy, mostly fun but kinda dull empowerment of wealth. 
• Best worst thing that ever could have happened - fascinating behind scenes look at failed Broadway play turns into something a little more meaningful
• Original cast album company - wonderful
• Train to busan - exciting take on zombies that seems fresh despite not really offering anything new
• Inside man most wanted - mostly dull, leant on the first movie in a way i wasnt expecting but was still pointless
• Bushwick - unbearably grim actioner who only point of interest comes in leaving a flubbed take (the film is a faked one take movie so it has lots of loooooong shots)
• Betty white first lady of television - a puff piece but a deserved one. what a delight.
• Rose matafeo horndog - (yes a stand up show i saw but im counting it - my blog my rules) great stuff. manages a couple of good twists on the format.
• Bathtubs over Broadway - brilliant look at obsessive collecting and hidden culture
• Long shot (netflix doc) - compelling and genuinely emotional true crime doc that hinges on a bit of pop culture to get told but doesnt forget the human reality
• Coherence - a touch university drama class in its conflicts but a mostly interesting SF mystery
• The gentlemen - henry golding continues Bond auditions in this fairly lousy gangster comedy
• Voyeur - unusual subject and whiff of shaggy dog give this crime doc an skewed shape. interesting.
• Jay and silent Bob reboot - just lousy. Smith remains likeable and this is aimed at die hards but its so strained.
• Greener grass - delightfully oddball with splendid cast. twin peaks for the tim and eric set.
• One cut of the dead - to talk about the second half of the movie would perhaps ruin some of the fun but to not do so means you might not watch it. just trust me and stick with it, absolutely brilliant.
• Colour out of space - Cage seems engaged with the material and it offers a lot to like but at the end of the day - it's that purple you see on every 80s retro movie poster, hardly impossible.
• The void - a decent spin on a couple of John Carpenter movies
• Personal history of David copperfield - a lot of fun. breezy, incredible funny and great cast.
• Parasite - bit dull to say how good it is now. But it is really good. Compelling thematic depth, impeccably directed and a spot on cast.
• Bad boys for life - tired throwback.
• Jojo rabbit - funny in the right places, well made but slightly dampened by the feeling we keep viewing the oppressed's stories through the oppressors (including those enabled or enabling of oppressors) viewpoints. 

So 36 done that month. And all in all a big batch of movies I mostly liked. 

Romance is always punished/What a funny little man!

Murder on the Orient Express (1974/2017)

Chosen by me because I like to go to the cinema a lot and because when I got home I had the boring idea of comparing the two films so I sat and watched the '74 version straight afterwards. There will be spoilers. You know for one of the most famous murder mysteries ever.

Both are star studded affairs which stick reasonably closely to the source material.

The Detective

The '74 Poirot is a petty, annoying foreigner ('probably a frog' Connery's doctor excalims in a bit that took me a second to remember that as a racial slur) played with a touch of silliness by Albert Finney. He loses some of his power in this Christie story as his position as outsider is lessened when surrounded by Hungarians, Americans, Italians on a train stuck in Yugoslavia. But he still gets to rub everyone up the wrong way.

The '17 version has a sillier moustache but is played with a little less picque by director Kenneth Branagh. It also seems to suggest his fussiness may be more indicative of something like Asperger's and decides to give a completely unnecessary dark past (it might have played a bit better with a touch more subtlety, though it doesnt ever explain what happened to his  'dear Katherine' him whispering to a photo every other act laboured a point it never quite got around to making). It tries to give him an a character arc (the '74 is just on a train and investigates a crime, not especially revealing) and a personal stake in the investigation, and despite it's hackneyed nature sort of worked.

The Victim

'74's is more jovial, and even nice to his secretary at one point. But Richard Widmark is fairly dull.

'17's is a sneery arsehole through and through. Oh and fuck Johnny Depp.

The Suspects

Michelle Pfeiffer and Penelope Cruz have a weight of good material behind them but still they are not Lauren Bacall and Ingrid Bergman as unfair as that might be (and Cruz in particular is ill served in her film). Willem Defoe gets to make more of his characters reveal than his '74 counterpart (who is barely even in it before his twist - so that lands with a shrug), Josh Gad goes out of his way to differentiate his McQueen from Anthony Perkins earlier take and gone are the pointed tropes towards the characters homosexuality. An interracial relationship angle allows for a person of colour to be in the film and gives Daisy Ridley and leslie Odom Jnr a slightly more interesting excuse for the lies than Connery and a wonderful Vanessa Redgrave have. Ridley's take on the character is allowed to be much smarter than her giggly earlier version too and though it leads to a pointless bit of tension it allows for a nice scene where Poirot asks for her help in solving the mystery, that may be a ruse to see through her lies but also may just be him seeing a kindred mind. The modern Count is given a dancer background not afforded to Michael York as a nod to why Sergei Polunin is well regarded outside of movies but (despite fitting in a couple of kick-boxing moves) he doesnt get to show off here and is not very good (maybe a shoehorned in ballet performance should have been included) and mostly lost against more interesting faces. Everyone else in both versions is generally fine but the large cast and mystery structure means no-one really gets anything to do.

The Reason I have gathered you here today.

The Sidney Lumet version is a straightforward (and possibly defining or influential) gather everyone in the room and dont allow anyone to speak until Poirot lays it all out. It's close to 20 mins of a 2 hour film and cant quite make sense off all the plot (it is very very silly) and the reveal of the complicated version of who stabbed Richard Widmark is too absurd to work as drama as with each holding of the dagger it gets more laughable.

Branaghs version tries to open it up with a last supper style table set up in a railway tunnel which is far sillier but the emotional impact is far better. It ups the ante considerably with a ruse to prove if anyone is a capable cold blooded killer, that combined with his personal connection to the case makes his final decision on the solution of the case make more sense on a character level.

Both have problems coming to grips with the ways clues are presented in the story, as it really doesnt make sense and some of the details dropped in the '17 take (like why the time of the murder is important) are slightly more adequately dealt with in the '74 which doesnt waste time on two very small and pointless action scenes.

Overall.

Both are fine. 

He's a friend from work.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Chosen by me because I like to go to the cinema a lot 

and hey, it's a marvel movie they pretty much float my boat.

This has the kind of imagery that Zach Snyder wants to be pulling off. A sort of freeze frame prog rock album cover or half recalled Lord of the Rings poster from a long ago childhood memory. But this film knows not to bury that under endless slow motion or the colour brown. It takes it's cue from the wacky science fiction stylings of Guardians of the Galaxy but feeds it through a vibrant 1980s filter (it gets easier with each passing year to forget the awfulness of much of that decade and embrace a retro chic devoid of Thatcher or bad suits) and that sense of fun fuels much of the joy in the film. 

The nostalgia (hugely reinforced by a wonderful Mark Mothersbaugh score which includes a Devo reject tune in the splendid Grandmaster Jam Session) doesnt quite hit an emotional core like the first Guardians, or say something like Lego, did but you're having too much of a blast to care.

Likewise it doesnt really solve Marvel Studios problem of having great actors in the antagonist role and not especially giving them anything to do. Though thankfully Cate Blanchett looks like she is having much more fun than Lee Pace or Christopher Ecclestone ever did. Her Hela gets to preen and crack wise and is a ball but her character never quite gels, the jealousy element a knock-off Loki, her anger never really having direction.

Much of the Sakarr sequence (a major chunk of the movie) is strangely weightless in it's stakes but only after you've finished enjoying it so much does the emptiness register. Gags fly thick and fast, the cast is great, Jeff Golblum is his Jeff Goldblumingest, the action is decent and Tessa Thompson's Valkyrie damn near walks off with the whole movie.

Unfortunately all this new jazz comes at a cost. And the generally pleasant Thor supporting cast from the previous two movies is sidelined, The Warriors Three dispatched too casually to register as an issue and the only sign of Sif is a double in a funny play performed by some noteworthy faces (I'd like to think Loki got the actual actors from Earth and it's just a kind of corporate gig for them).

And honestly Thompson makes up for any loss. A supremely confidant, cool performance she commands the screen every second she is on it, and is just super funny.

Can we have a Valkyrie movie?

Taika Waititi may be a cynical choice by Disney to hire someone cheap that they feel they can control, but it still comes from a place of choosing interesting directors, letting them imprint their personality onto a project seems to work a blinder, even working within the usual MCU framework (which this very much does despite feeling quite different to most of them).

Delightful.