It's our mission that doesn't make sense, sir.

Valerian 

and the city of a thousand planets (2017)

Chosen by me as i like to go to the cinema a lot.

In some ways a follow up to Besson's The Fifth Element, with many of that films weaknesses but few of it's strengths.

There is a wonderful sense of whimsy, one off gags (jet boots, a gun that fires energy platforms to stand on) are thrown at the screen a plenty. But none of them really resonate, partly because those images are dismissed as quickly as they appear but also due to the single most damaging aspect of the film.

The two main characters are just terrible.

Who really cares what cool thing they may be doing (a confusing but interesting heist across virtual reality dimensions?) when they are such dickheads.

The Star Wars knock-offs (yes, the comics pre-date 1977 and unfortunately have not been read by me) almost always get one major thing wrong. They focus on the arsehole aspects of Han Solo (and for sure he is an arsehole) and forget everything else that makes him work. Partly, of course, Ford's performance, but also good jokes and chemistry between characters.

This movie ups that to unbearable levels.

Valerian is a nothing wisp of a character defined by badgering his workmate into marrying him.

But Laureline is even worse. She kicks small lizards, like a serial killer in training. 

And after a bunch of colleagues are brutally killed in front of her (including one that has a flirty moment more dynamic than anything with Valerian) she doesnt show any acknowledgement of their passing except to moan her dress has been ripped.

Only Rihanna's character Bubble seems even half realised, her chameleon dance a clear high point of the film, and with a few lines even threatens to make Dane Dehaan look interesting before disappearing from the movie and our hearts.

Also every single joke is awful. Some, I'm not even sure were jokes, just random words said in a jokey cadence, like a placeholder waiting for a rewrite to happen.

Effects are decent but no visual lingers in the way, say, some of the GOTG stuff does.